FEAR.

I wrote this a couple days ago,

debated whether to put it up

and decided I shouldn't.

(But I did anyways.)

I sit here trying to block out

what is blocking my mind: FEAR.

But I concentrate. Because

I. AM. Just. Too. Scared.

F.

Feeling phony, forgetting who I am (who am I, anyways?), fearing lonely, finding myself a sham. Failing in faith, falling into what I hate...

E.

Even after I fail, you forgive me. How could you be so good?

I say I've had enough... But I haven't been doing what I should.

What happened to my backbone?

...Or have I just never really known where I stood?

A.

Anger. It courses through my veins because I'm just so ashamed of how fast I'm falling. I've lost sight of my aim, my goal, my calling. And I wanted to be admired, but trying to please people has gotten me burnt out, tired. What happened to that fire? That fire You placed in my heart? Now that I'm broken, has that too fallen a.p.a.r.t?

Or maybe I'm just alone in this dark.

R.

I rock back

and forth

between

what I know is right to do,

and the wrong that I actually do.

I was on a high, climbing to get higher, to reach the Most High...but I've slipped. And now I'm in a landslide.

The metaphor of my life? A rollercoaster ride.

And after this confession, the tears still run down my face

Because I. Am. Just. TOO. HUMAN.