The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.


My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejewelled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, “Merry Christmas” to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crib, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her: “How could God let something like this happen?” (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said: “I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?”

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbour as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard it.... no one will know you did. But if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

Embracing the trials.

An excerpt written from my journal a few years ago while I was in Arusha, Tanzania:

June 2010.

I'm sitting here twiddling these Maasai bracelets in my hand.

All I had to do was walk into the market, choose my favorite colors and designs, haggle with the penniless Maasai grandmothers so I'd pay a few less pesas, and in a matter of minutes I walked out with these new pieces of jewelry dangling off my wrist. Only to throw them in with the rest of my large assortment of fashion accessories a few days later.

But now, I'm looking at these bracelets again.  Actually looking. And I find that these hand-made ornaments combine the extravagance and simplicity of that culture: an intelligible color scheme of interchanging green and yellow, yet with beads so tiny it must have taken hours and hours of patience to string them onto this plastic fishing string.

And all I had to do was walk into the market, pay for what I wanted, and walk away.  Something doesn't sit right with me, but I can't explain what...

Well, Iana from two years ago, the current you had an epiphany today. Let me tell you why you weren't sitting pretty that night in TZ as you sat with those pretty bracelets.

Life is a process.  Things usually don't just happen and are over. You are so used to seeing the finished product of something that you fail to realize the painstaking process it took to get to the end.  Being raised in America, it's so easy for us to buy hand-made things without appreciating how much time into making them. The effort, the thought, the creativity. These Maasai women must look at their finished products with beaming pride because they knew how hard it was to create that beautiful bracelet.

And in your thoughtlessness, you have robbed them that joy by focusing on whatever we can lay our gluttonous hands on. Without recognizing how meticulous and deliberate the creating was, you cannot fully enjoy the creation.  More importantly, without the ability to enjoy the creation, you have neglected to acknowledge its creator as well.

Life is a process. You, 19-year-old Iana, are not done.  But in your eagerness to grasp the finished you, you have denied yourself the beauty in realizing what it took to get you to that point. You are in such a hurry to get through life's trials so that you can show off the new and learned you, that you deprive yourself of seeing the exquisiteness of the trials themselves. Instead of looking at what you're going through - actually looking - it's so easy for you to throw these memories into the pile of your forgotten junk. And without recognizing the painstaking process behind creating the extravagant you that is to come, you cannot fully adore the Creator who is getting you to that point.

So, freshman Iana, here is our brother Paul's call for us as we continue looking:

Continue to work our your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and act in order to fulfill his good purpose. 

- Philippians 2:12-13

Jesus, I know You are fiercely and passionately refining me

But does the fire have to be so scorching?

I am leaving in less than a week, and as a going away present from Australia, God has blessed me with the privilege of seeing something beautiful and life-giving.

This week I found out that one of my friends here decided to accept Christ!

I don't know her all too well, but hearing her story made the tears of joy just fall down my face. Words such as elation, joy, happiness, excitement and overwhelmed don't even begin to describe what I felt tonight. Seeing someone choose to start a relationship with Jesus, to witness the beginning of the best journey one could ever embark on, to realize that new life has been given...

I can't even properly contemplate my thoughts in a coherent, understandable way. Because every time I try to think about it, I just stop. And smile at the wonder that just happened. And praise Jesus.

Her joy is so overflowing that it pours onto me, the angel's rejoicing is so loud it rings all around me. And I have an image of our Father smiling down at all this, whispering in her ear, "I chose you."

Oh my Jesus you are so beautiful. Oh my God I am speechless at the thought of your grace and faithfulness.

And I'll stand in awe of You,
And I'll let my words be few,
Jesus I am so in love with You.

When I try to picture my prayer life this past semester, I imagine something like this:

This isn't a literal graph of my prayer life this past semester (it's actually a graph of my blog views).  But in correlating prayer to this graph, there were moments where prayer was at the center of my daily thoughts, and weeks where spending alone time with Jesus seemed non-existent.  In this realization, the depravity of my humanness becomes more apparent.

But that is not to say that I haven't been experiencing Jesus. On the contrary, God has been showing Himself to me abundantly this past semester. In putting myself out there, in taking risks in my relationships with friends, and in choosing to set foot in new places, God has been there. I have been horrible in creating alone time with Him, and yet He still showers me with blessings. Even in my sin and neglect, He still pours forth His love for me.  God is good to me no matter what I do (or don't do). When I reflect on all He has done this past semester, I can't do much but praise His name.

Through this semester, I'm realizing that there's seasons to our spiritual lives. While prayer should always be at the forefront of our spirituality, it isn't the only time where we can meet God.  Rather, there are times when God calls us to deepen our prayer lives by actively focusing on praying to Him, and times where, when we choose into things God has for us, our prayer lives naturally grow as a result.  While I may not have actively set aside time to be with Him each day, I have been able to meet God through the dozens of conversations I've had with friends over coffee, or through choosing to do something I would never have done at home.  I'm not excusing my lack of actively spending alone time with Him, but I am pointing out the truths that 1) God can make Himself known in whatever way He chooses, and 2) God working isn't limited by what I do or don't do.

Tonight someone gave his life away to the overwhelming pressures of this world. I didn't know him at all...but some people did, and I'm sure some of those people are dearly missing him.

In this sobering and grave situation, I can't help but think of the good friend who passed away days after I arrived here in Australia.  If, by chance, you're reading this from up there, know that you too are missed.

Jesus, only You can satisfy.

It's that 10-day mark before I leave for Australia, and for the last two days I've been lying in bed, wasting time, and watching re-runs of shows I don't even like all that much. Instead of making the most of the time I have left here hanging out with people I never get to see during the school year, making a dent in the pile of books I promised myself I'd read over break, prepping myself spiritually/physically for life abroad, or even finishing that list of to-do's before I head out, I'm here eating not-so-good food watching not-so-funny TV.

Over the last few weeks, my feelings have teetered between panic about what there is left to do and peace that I'm trusting God will work everything out. There's still so much to do before departing (or at least it feels that way) that I don't even know where to start or how to begin.  There's things I have to do, like packing and buying all the necessities, and things I want to do but don't really have to right now, like making that list of places to go and things to see.

But on the other hand, there's really not that much left to do but to go.  And I want to just go. I don't have everything figured out, yes, and as scary as that may be, it's also exciting, interesting, and somewhat peace-giving to know that I'm learning to be less of a J. Not that I'm becoming more of a P necessarily, but I am realizing that I'm becoming more reliant not on myself but on God. Just like in life, you can plan and plan and plan, but you'll never be fully prepared for everything, and sometimes you just have to roll with things and take them as they come.

God's telling me that this is going to be a season of great change for me, and He will show me miracles that my eyes have never seen, grow me in ways I've never thought possible, and love me in ways I've never imagined. But of me He requires the utmost confidence and trust in Him, constant devotion to His voice and every command, and lastly to just ...go.

things i've been ruminating over this break (in a stream-of-consciousness form, so it may not make sense):

- I'm scared to go abroad. Why? I'm realizing that this insecurity comes from the deep-seated comfortable life i've created for myself here and my unwillingness to let it go. I fear how I'll change while I'm over there, the things that will change while I'm gone, what I'll be missing out on, and the completely new life I'll have to create over there, only to leave it again 6 months later. Over and over I hear him ask, "Do you trust me? Do you trust me?" I remember a few months ago clearly stating that I would go wherever He asked, when He asked, because I trust that His plan for me is greater than any plan I have for myself.  Was I naive in thinking that, or have I lost faith?  I feel like I'm going abroad because otherwise I'll regret it, but I'm not too excited about it yet.
- Has my idea of community been altered so much that I've fallen in love with it instead of Him? The conversations I've had with Christian friends are always so great, healing, uplifting. But when I return to the spiritual desert that is my home, I feel like I regress. I know that the progression of my faith can be certainly affected by the people I surround myself with, but is it dependent on them too? ...Is that really even progress then?  Is it even right to judge my faith on "progress?"
- Pressure about my plans for the future have been building up, and my shoulders literally ache of the weight. I'm hard enough on myself, but to have added pressure from family, friends... just about everyone has caused me to search out options out of fear rather than excitement.  I'm horribly afraid that, by the time I figured out what I want to do, I would have missed the opportunity to do it.  I realized that I have been looking for the wrong reasons, and I've forgotten about a God that provides my all when I don't worry but seek first His kingdom. I work so much on hearing Him or feeling what He has to say, but it's hard to hold fast to God and wait on Him when the world/everyone else (and even myself)  tells me to decide before it's too late.
- The words I choose to say.  Ephesians 4:29: "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."Jesus straight pierced my heart with that one. The jokes I say, the comments I make about people, the input I choose to give...were they necessary and did they heal?
- Do I really understand what I believe?  Can I articulate it in ways that someone who is not Christian can understand?  I've been struggling with this ever since I came to college, and the quickest answer is "No, not really.

This post was quite sobering. Oh Jesus, teach me about your mercy and grace.

I'm currently reading a book about two lovers who, in the midst of their journey together, find themselves struggling towards God.  At least that's the gist I got from reading the synopsis on the cover (I'm not very far).  As I read this book, I am being reminded that even the most beautiful, loving, ideal relationships one can have are only imperfect reflections of the glorious, enrapturing relationship we'll have with Him in the future...

One who has never been in love might mistake either infatuation or a mixture of affection and sexual attraction for being in love. But when the 'real thing' happens, there is no doubt. a man in the jungle at night, as someone said, may suppose a hyena's growl to be a lion's; but when he hears the lion's growls, he knows damn' well it's a lion. So with the genuine inloveness.

...

We looked at each other with wry grins. Then we kissed each other, a kiss that was pure bliss because of the peril and pain that had torn us. There would be other fights in future years... but always the reconciliation in each other's arms would be such heaven that we wondered whether the joy wasn't worth the agony. The heights and depths. 

- Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy 

II Timothy 3:2-5

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be:

• lovers of self,
• lovers of money,
• proud,
• arrogant,
• abusive,
• disobedient to their parents,
• ungrateful,
• unholy,
• heartless,
• unappeasable,
• slanderous,
• without self-control,
• brutal,
• not loving good,
• treacherous,
• reckless,
• swollen with conceit,
• lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
• having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.

Avoid such people.

Oh Jesus am I guilty of so many of these things...

I have to be okay with losing friendships.
I need to understand that I am not as close with some people as I used to be, and that's ok.
I want to know the line in which "keep trying" ends and "let it go" begins.
I have to realize that some people have already let it go, and that's ok too.
And I must have grace on myself while I learn how to love in the ways Jesus calls me to.

Sundays with the Beatles

The Beatles have been playing for the last four hours at the Starbucks in which I've been studying.


It reminds me of those Sunday mornings when my dad and I drove to church, and we listened to "The Beatle Years" on FM101.1 the entire 30-minute ride there. Every Sunday, without fail. I could still remember him singing along to "Come Together" while dancing in the driver's seat and slapping his hand against my knee to the rhythm of the song.

And how I got so tired of listening to the same station, same kinds of songs every week. How I told him to stop dancing, put his hands on the wheel, and pay attention to the road. How I wanted to listen to KIISFM instead. How I thought, "Wow, is this really how it's going to be every Sunday? Am I going to have to listen to it every Sunday?"

And now, how "The Beatle Years" doesn't play on FM101.1 anymore.

He had big shoes.

Today, I looked at the admissions requirements for attending Fuller Theological Seminary's School of Theology (just for fun, I am still wildly unsure of my future!).  My father went here and during that time wrote a book: The Effects of Colonial Mentality on the Religious Consciousness of Filipinos. Here's an excerpt from the "Ackowledgments" section:

My journey towards achieving the goal of a Ph.D. degree has been one of constant struggle characterized by recurrent episodes of illness of varying kinds and severity, instances of intense trials and tribulations, periods of despair and deep anxieties, and the daily pressures of pastoral ministry and family responsibilities. Through it all, God’s truly amazing grace was more than sufficient for all my needs. Especially during those times of severe testing where, at day’s end, giving up seemed to be the only option left, the Lord’s faithfulness was proven again and again, in that “morning by morning, new mercies” I did see. It is but fitting then that all gratitude and praise be given to him first.

I remember when he was writing this.

I remember those days when he couldn't sleep.

I remember when he couldn't walk for two weeks.

I remember when he would drive in the middle of the night to talk to his congregation member in need.

I remember when I spilled his coffee all over his floppy disk, which contained his only copy of this 320-page book, and he still gave me a goodnight kiss that night.

I remember when we prayed together each night.

My faith is my own, but I will never forget the man whose life made me believe.  My eyes burn with pride and uneasiness when I reflect on the legacy that my daddy has left me to continue.

My feet are too small for this.

To the Glory of God?

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." I Corinthians 10:18

This hit me hard. Why? Because I've realized the magnitude of the charge in this verse, and even more I see how miserably I've failed to reach it.  I mean, do I glorify God

when I worship?

yes.

when I pray?

check.

when I eat?

uuhh...

when I whine about how much homework I have?

definitely not.

And how can friendships be for the glory of God, and not just to feed my desire for belonging? What characterizes a romantic relationship that is glorifying to God? Is the way I approach my schoolwork glorifying Him?

i want to be on fire for you!
to be so consumed by you,
that these feelings i have just burn away.

i imagine writing each and every one of these depressing thoughts and saddening feelings
on a piece of paper
and then lighting each insignificant piece on fire
and watching them disintegrate into ashes
and fly away and leave me forever

i pray right now for protection against the advances of the enemy into my mind
for renewed vision for You
for discipline, discipline, discipline
and the ability to RESPOND to you


God, i'm so out of it.

I find it hard to talk... to string together my jumbled-up thoughts into a cohesive, coherent sentence.
I realize that the gift of empathy is something God has blessed me with,
but, to an extent, the flashbacks I saw today made me feel like I was going through it over again.

At least I can say, with great confidence, that your mommy and my daddy are standing next to each other, laughing and sharing stories about how quirky, strong, loving, and beautiful their daughters turned out to be.

Way to pierce my heart, Jesus.

"What was your aim in reading the passage?" he asked.
"My aim? To arrive at an understanding of the text, I suppose."
"Anything else?"
Jim paused. "No. What else is there?"
"Well, there is more than just finding out what it says and what it means. There are also questions, like what did it say to you? Were you struck by anything? And, most important, did you experience God in your reading?" The brother assigned Jim the same text for that entire day, urging him to read it as much with his heart as with his head.
...
The next day they met again. In despair Jim told the brother that he simply could not do what was being asked of him. It was then that the wisdom behind the jogging shoes became evident: "You're trying too hard Jim. You're trying to control God. Go back to this passage and this time be open to receive whatever God has for you. Don't manipulate God; just receive. Communion with him isn't something you institute. It's like sleep. You can't make yourself sleep, but you can create the conditions that allow sleep to happen.


- Richard J. Foster, Prayer.

He is Yahweh.

Who is he that makes me happy?
Who is he that gives me peace?
Who is he that brings me comfort
Turns the bitter into sweet?

Who is stirring up my passion?
Who is rising up in me?
Who is filling up my hunger
With everything I need?

Creator God,

He is Yahweh.

The Great I Am,

He is Yahweh.

The Lord of all,

He is Yahweh.

The Rose of Sharon,

He is Yahweh.

The Righteous Son,

He is Yahweh.

The Three in One,

He is Yahweh.

Proverbs 11

The lips of the righteous know what is fitting,
but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.


When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom.


A generous man will prosper;
he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

Proverbs 4:23-25

"Above all else, guard your heart,
     for it is the wellspring of life.
Put away perversity from your mouth;
     keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead,
     fix your gaze directly before you."


So true. So, so impossible to do my own. Jesus, give me wisdom.