An Attitude Change.

I turned in my first college paper today.

Four pages of my genius written in an hour and a half of class time. As you can tell, I have come to gloat about my triumph. Just kidding.

But in the paper we had to compare and contrast two poems (thank you Mrs. Malott!). I chose "One Art," which is about a woman who denies that the loss of a loved one is difficult, and "Desert Places" (I absolutely love Robert Frost by the way), in which the speaker deals with his sense of loneliness. Unlike the woman in the first poem, the speaker in the latter accepts his situation without reluctance.

I basically pointed out that there are some things in life that are inevitable (such as someone dying or feeling alone) ...that will happen whether you like it or not. what determines how the outcome will be is in the attitude with which you respond.

Which got me thinking.

There are so many things in our lives that we choose to deny because the pain just sucks so much, or we don't want to be in a certain situation and begin hating it. And yet, no one said life was going to be easy. The guy in the latter poem...he knew this loneliness was inescapable, that sometimes, you can search for something and not find because, well, you're meant to feel that suffering. So he accepted it. He hated it, but he still submitted because he couldn't change his circumstances. And although he was still lonely, there was a tone of peace and calm.

Continuing with this whole transition phase, I've been feeling alone and depressed for a while now...and in an attempt to change my current situation, i've been in a constant search to make close friends. but for the last couple months i have significantly failed. don't get me wrong; i still have close friends here that i can talk to about anything, at any time. i simply mean that, at this point in time, i feel detached and apart from everyone else..and that's something i just can just wake up one morning and change. yet now i'm coming to accept that, yes, i am in a situation where i am alone, and though i've tried to change it, i can't. and maybe, instead of beating myself down for not succeeding, i should ask myself why. why am i in this situation right now? what's the point of my seclusion?

and i came to understand that this may not be the time for me to create friendships, but rather work on the ones i already have...most especially my relationship with Jesus. While it is a period of my life where i am seemingly detached from the rest of the world, it's not so much a time of seclusion as it is a chance for introspection.

while i may not be able to change certain situations in life, i can definitely change my attitude towards them.