A Spiritual Desert

at home?

Every time I come back,

whenever I'm here,

in this place, this setting,

something happens in me.

And I regress.

Irritated, indifferent, insensitive.

I change. Or maybe it seems

Like God isn't changing me?

I know that my spiritual walk

should not be affected

by my current physical settings,

by any location, place, or whathaveme.

But when I'm back here

something happens in me.

This is my prayer in the desert, when all that's within me feels dry...

And this is my prayer in the fire, in weakness or trial or pain.

There is a faith proved of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames.

I will bring praise; I will bring praise

No weapon forged against me shall remain.

I will rejoice; I will declare

God is my victory and He is here.

All of my life in every season, You are still God

I have a reason to sing; I have a reason to worship.

The Aftermath.

It's hard to be back here.

Almost too hard.

Journaling from Menotitolai's land.

Soo...we just returned from Maasai land.
(PS. Menotitolai is just about hte coolest Maasai person you'll ever meet. He also stole my sunglasses.)

And I'm late for breakfast, so I have to make this one quick and just update a little of my journal entries this past week...

June 8 2:20 PM

Last night was such a fruitful night. Sitting back here in the middle of Maasai land has brought back a lot of memories from last year. As I stared up at the star-filled night sky, I was just in awe at God's beautiful creation which enveloped me. I doubt if you can see that many stars anywhere in America. So, so, so beautiful!

I've been hoping on this trip that God would tell me more about my role in Africa, or if there is even to be any. Last year I was rather disappointed when I felt God telling me I was not supposed to be here; maybe it was because my heart and desire to be here weren't in the right place. But coming back, I've wanted so much to be a part of the culture and life God has developed here, a part of the story here that God is creating. As I held the hands of small NYOTA kids within mine, it just ...felt right... I felt a passion to get to really know them, their life, their story, their love...God's love for them. God, give me guidance, that I can understand more of what you want for me.

This morning we traveled to the Maasai school. The same feelings that overwhelmed me last year and caused me to shut down flooded within me again. Nothing in that place had changed. There were craters in the floor, browken windowns, dirt stains coverwing the walls. The blackboard was in such horrible condition that teachers started writing on the walls. What I felt as I walked beside the broken down building was intense sadness, disappointment, and just a feeling of loss. It was rather unexplainable. How do 300 kids fit in a building smaller than my house? How could 3 teachers handle everything? Why does the government not care as much about the welfare of these kids...of their country's future? Regardless, God I know You're there. Because You are EVERYWHERE. You inhabit all places, and Your presence is also here, at this Maasai school. So let Your glory show!

We're on the last leg of the trip...next stop: Missionaries of Charity. This is going to be one of the most intense sites (apparently), so continued prayers on spiritual and physical protection amongst other things. Also, I guess I cam back from the land with a virus (basically a super huge head cold, gross sore throat, and a stomachache that's been 6 days now!)...and there's been a small 24hour bug that's been going around the team, so pray for us!

Hakuna matata!

Maasai!

Hibari Kiferangas! (Literally, "How are you chicks?")

I hope all is well. I wanted to thank you greatly for your prayers and support. The Lord has been so good to us this last week we were here, and we have been so blessed. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers..and continue to do so!

We are off to Maasai Land in about....five minutes ago (hey, it IS Africa time now!).

Here's what they look like, incase you didn't know: http://www.neystadt.org/john/album/Tanzania2003/Natives/DSCN2158-Maasai-Dance.jpg

We are so excited to spend time away from cities (the closest thing to a hospital is a few hours away...so pray that no one gets sick!) and be under the stars listening to the Maasai pastor James speak of his life (demon possessions!).

I'm late so I have to go! But keep us in your prayers! There'll be no outside contact from any of us for a while...but we love you all!

Hakuna mungu kama wewe!

Africa Update #1

HIBARI WAZUNGU! (It means "How are you, foreigners!")

(These are a few of my journal entries...I'm on a time crunch so it'll be quick!)

June 1 - 9:30 AM
The smell that brings me back to Africa a year ago already permeates this airplane. I've been teetering between excitement and apathy all throughout the preparation for this trip, but regardless I am thankful for this opportunity to return and be used once again by God. I think my role for Team Africa has changed dramatically from last year. As I think about how God wants to use me on this trip, my mind returns to the students traveling with us. I feel called not so much to the people of Africa as much as the girls on the team. And the more I think about it, I think God is preparing me for my future as a small group leader at Berkeley next year. I'm a little anxious and don't really know how to approach these students, so I pray that YOU would be my mouthpiece God, and like Moses and Aaron in Exodus, YOU would speak to and through me.

June 3 - 7:35 AM
Sight:
- dry, thirsty land
- crowds of people congregated on the sides of the street, nowhere to go, nothing to do, hungry for food, a home, and a place to belong

Smell:
- exhaust
- smoke from the piles of burned rubbish scattered all throughout the streets, "sidewalks," and ....everywhere.
- body odor of people who have more important things to care about
- dust. everywhere. breathe it in, guys, there's nothing like it!

Taste:
- fish and chicken curry, peppered beef steak, rice, ugali, chipatis, boiled vegetables
- blessings from God

Touch:
- a hard, stiff bed
- shuttle window, constantly opening to let fresh air in and closing to stop the dust from entering our eyes and nostrils

Hear:
- honking of impatient horns
- laughter
- joyful kiswahili conversations
- hillsong, christ tomlin, and all things christian music sounding
- a car alarm at 6 AM...or muslim call to prayer?




Keep praying for us!
- One thing that has been on my mind is unity. This team seems to be a little cliquish, even though there are only 13 of us.
- Safety, spiritually and physically. We have been hearing stories about demon possessions in Maasai land, so pray that our hearts and minds would be on guard.
- that we focus on Jesus! and experience joy and laughter through Him
- we can see more of the world through our brothers and sisters' hearts here in Africa, and through that, we may gain a broader picture of God's hearts for us and the world.


AH! I'm out of time. But be blessed, and we are sososososo thankful that you are taking this adventure along with us. Bwana asifiwe!